I don’t want to create resolutions this year. For me, they never stick. Instead, I’m making a commitment. This is completely new territory for me, and I’m honestly a little anxious about it.
☮️ The Buddha is known to have said, “Life is suffering”. I learned in the last couple of days that this is a mistranslation, and closer to the truth is “Life is dissatisfaction”. There will ALWAYS be something to adjust. There will always be somewhere and some time else to get to that’s somehow better than the present.
🧗🏿♂️ This is an endless loop of wanting, getting, wanting more. I’ve noticed that all of the things that I’ve wanted and achieved or acquired in the past have never brought me any lasting joy. I can count on one hand the things that I own or the successes I’ve achieved in my life that haven’t in some way betrayed me. Meaning, in the past I’ve strived and struggled to get things, to be more, to do things in order to be happy, or to feel loved or whatever, but more often than not, the very things I thought I wanted, once they were mine, they brought trouble of some kind.
😞 I’m wondering, how much of this striving and WANTING worked for you? It certainly hasn’t worked for me. I don’t want to struggle anymore. In the past, I’ve felt so much like I was on a hamster wheel, chasing joy, love, “success”. For the past few months, I’ve been feeling more and more like I’m so very done with chasing, striving, trying and wanting. It’s become so clear to me that all of the striving, chasing and “fixing” that I’ve been CONSTANTLY engaged in, has all been an intense effort to get to a place where I feel whole in the present moment.
🧘♂️ This is ridiculous. I AM whole in every present moment. I would go so far as to say, I’m never anything else. I am ALWAYS whole, and the only thing that the endless searching has brought me is suffering.
I’ve also noticed that I’ve chased life away so much of the time. I’ve always felt that my life isn’t here yet, because I’m not who I should be, I don’t have the things I should have and I’m not doing the things that I should be doing. The truth is - I’ve arrived. Life is here, and every time I am feeling that it’s not, I’m chasing it away. I honestly don’t know where the first 42 years of my life have gone. I wasn’t there for about 90% of my life.
Definition of wanting
1: not present or in evidence: ABSENT
2: not being up to standards or expectations and lacking in ability or capacity
Wanting as a preposition
2: Less, Minus
bad, deficient, dissatisfactory, ill, inferior, poor, unacceptable, wrong
Opposite words: enough, complete, full, good, existing, perfect, abundant, present, existing, true, unlimited, wealthy, generous, fortunate, excellent, wonderful, powerful, successful and present.
This is the norm. This is what we’re taught from the time we arrive on this planet and we’re encouraged to seek until we die. We NEVER arrive. We NEVER get to feel whole, like life is perfect the way it is and we can be in the present moment FULLY.
There is another way, and it’s liberation.
NOUN The act of setting someone free from imprisonment, slavery, or oppression; release.
1.Freedom from limits on thought or behavior.
I’m exiting the hamster wheel. I’m choosing LIBERATION in 2021.
My goal, my intention, my constant aim in 2021, is to be the OPPOSITE of wanting.
I am committing, right now, and in every now that follows, to be whole, complete, GRATEFUL and in service of whatever is in front of me in the present moment. That’s my goal for 2021, to serve whatever is in front of me.
This means, no more attempts to control outcomes or people, no more resistance to what IS. I am committed to embracing what is. I will show up, with love. Love is love and requires nothing except for me to be loving. No agendas, no more trying to be right. No more feeling that there is some place and time that is better to be. I will not get this perfect. That’s okay. I will remind myself to return to this place again and again. Hopefully, by the end of 2021, I will be more capable of this way of living than I am right now.
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