Yesterday, I was able to be relatively present. I noticed that the things that the people in my life were doing and saying just didn’t trigger any emotional responses in me. Will brought up my past tendency toward disorganization and forgetfulness. In the past, this would have brought up feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness in me. I felt peace and a bit of a gentle smile in my belly.
This smile in my belly has been a regular occurrence. I used to intentionally feel a smile in my heart, but what I’ve noticed is that when I am present, a smile naturally occurs in my belly. I don’t know why that is, but it feels wonderful.
I have been able to return to the present moment just a bit more easily and quickly each day. I did notice that my intention to serve grounds me instantly and fills me with joy. I may not always feel like I want to serve, but a few times over the weekend I started to feel very self centered and I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right now. This made me miserable. When I came back to just being in the present and opened myself up to life I was so much more peaceful and happy. When I looked for occasions to serve, it was amazing how uplifting this felt.
I‘m noticing more and more that the more I can remove my self from the equation, the better life flows and the freer I feel.
I had a long conversation with my parents about politics. This is a subject that we normally do not agree on at all. However, MY intention was different in this conversation. I only wanted to understand their point of view. I had this understanding that, the information that I am aware of is only a pin drop in an endless ocean. I know nothing, and my opinion DOES NOT matter. This immediately opened me up to listen fully. The conversation was gentle, loving and open. When we hung up the phone I felt warmth for and from my parents. This taught me so much.
It did take a lot of awareness and effort, but I was able to move toward what I resist. It felt SO much better to do so. When I can truly move towards what I feel resistant toward, I feel in the flow. What I noticed yesterday that the resistance doesn’t last long. It’s almost like there is a thin veil of resistance to breath through, and once I do, it’s over. It reminds me of working out. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt like working out. There is always resistance to it. I simply don’t listen. The hard part is always getting to the gym. That’s like the veil of the resistance. Once I’m at the gym, I’ve broken through that veil and the I’m working out.
I served Will for most of the day, because he was what was in front of me for the most part. I also noticed that when I can see my serving other people as actually serving the divine, I am happy to serve. When I feel that I’m serving a person, I can become resentful. It’s so much easier when I know that I am serving a Divine being and uplifting the whole universe whenever I serve the person in front of me.
I did catch myself scrolling social media, and I even read an article! Ugh - habits die hard, I suppose.
The “rules” or guidelines for a year of Ananda (See Ananda definition here)
* I will be as present as possible, grateful and loving what arises. I will focus on serving whatever is in front of me joyfully.
* No social media scrolling! I will only post my content and answer comments and questions that are on my content.
* No intake of external information. No more podcasts, books, audiobooks, YouTube videos or information of any kind. 😳 I will turn inwards for answers, guidance and information.
* I will trust life COMPLETELY. No more struggle, striving, controlling, wanting or trying to make something happen. I will trust and know that whatever is in my life is perfect, and I don’t need to fix or change it.
* I will move toward what I resist, NO personal preferences or agendas. I will say YES to all of life. (Unless I'm in physical danger, of course)
* I will engage in as many spiritual practices as possible every day.
* I will focus on GIVING and SERVING.