Day 19 Commitment to Ananda Boredom and Dissatisfaction

Yesterday, I felt a vague dissatisfaction. At first I asked myself, “What is wrong, and what can I do to move in a better direction?” It took me a little while to realize what I was doing. I was seeking and striving for a more comfortable place. I decided instead just to watch, and notice what was happening. I suppose that my intention switched from wanting to get to a better place, to becoming mindful and aware of the stuff going on within me.

What arose was the understanding that I was bored. This is something that I don’t feel very often. I understand that the energy that I am BEING is what shows up as my reality.

Therefore, I AM boring.

That’s interesting to know, but what does that actually mean to me? My emotions are trying to guide me to the opposite of boredom, which is excitement. Even just a month ago, I would have noticed that and tried to add something exciting to my life. Now, I simply noticed the push/pull. The uncomfortable feeling, and then the desire to be away from that feeling (the resistance). It passed, as all things do.

I was able to stay present for the most part. I felt a little distracted and noisy today. I would like to be more equanimous when I’m tired. I feel

I have been involved in a new social media platform called “Clubhouse” and it was a time suck today. It’s been sort of enjoyable, but it feels a little like disturbing noise. In a way, I was guided there, so I’m putting some energy into it.

I didn’t take any information in. It is interesting to be in that app, listening to people talk for hours. Maybe I’m not used to it, but I don’t feel very good. It could also be that I am exhausted. I only slept about five hours last night.

I was very trusting in life. There wasn’t much to trust, I didn’t leave the house and it was such a quiet day.

I have been learning so much from meditation. I can feel the energy moving, and as I observe it, I notice how it moves and how I can intentionally move it. I notice that with the breath, I can move prana within my body and also into the world, which I didn’t know would ever be possible for me.

I moved towards the feeling of discomfort and boredom, and it passed. I didn’t try to fix it, or reach for something better, and that was a very interesting practice of restraint and not reacting to discomfort.

I meditated for about 3.5 hours. I also chanted.

Every day, I intend to serve and I ask God to show me clearly and specifically how to serve. It feels like I’m not really serving, but I’m sure that the opportunities to serve will arise.

The “rules” or guidelines for a year of Ananda (See Ananda definition here)

* I will be as present as possible, grateful and loving what arises. I will focus on serving whatever is in front of me joyfully.

* No social media scrolling! I will only post my content and answer comments and questions that are on my content.

* No intake of external information. No more podcasts, books, audiobooks, YouTube videos or information of any kind. 😳 I will turn inwards for answers, guidance and information.

* I will trust life COMPLETELY. No more struggle, striving, controlling, wanting or trying to make something happen. I will trust and know that whatever is in my life is perfect, and I don’t need to fix or change it.

* I will move toward what I resist, NO personal preferences or agendas. I will say YES to all of life. (Unless I'm in physical danger, of course)

* I will engage in as many spiritual practices as possible every day.

* I will focus on GIVING and SERVING.

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