I meditated for about 3 hours today, and the meditations were DEEP. I was so present and focused and I felt like I had no self. I forgot me, and I was everywhere, for only a few moments. They were amazing moments. I felt each chakra open up and I felt like I was the size of the universe, and at the same time I felt that all space and time was in a singular point the size of the head of a pin. I can’t put it into words, but it made me feel that time and space are malleable, and that the space within me moves infinitely inwards, just as the space around me extends infinitely outwards. I am vast and space is vast. I could feel the nothingness of me, almost as if I were pure spirit. I could feel the nothingness of everything around me, and it made everything feel like one endless ocean of formless energy. The nothingness somehow made every movement of thought very solid and real. I understood the quote: “Thoughts are things”, to be literal. Each thought was a thing, with a completely different “mood”, that when I tuned into it and looked closer at it, I saw that it wasn’t a mood at all, but a vibration. This is the uni-verse, the one song.
I also did some breathing exercises and that made me feel dizzy, elated, a little buzzy and very elevated. Truly, breath work is perfect for anyone who wants to get high without using any kind of substance.
Without meaning to, I have noticed that a new practice has emerged. I am returning to the present whenever I notice that I’ve wondered into the past or future, or somewhere else. I am also naturally feeling deep gratitude and a love for myself and for life, whenever I am present. I can feel my body, and I love who I am. This makes it very easy to serve whatever is in front of me joyfully.
Although, when I was at my parent’s house today, a show was on TV, and I found myself totally transfixed. One of the most interesting things about this commitment, is that when I am not present, I NOTICE. It’s glaringly obvious when I’m not in the here and now. The TV captured my attention, and I found it so difficult to be with my family. I could feel how the interesting story lines and the colors, sounds and music could be addicting. Just like cherry flavored candy, the TV was more stimulating than reality.
I didn’t scroll social media - at all. I’m VERY proud of myself, not only for not scrolling, but also because the thought didn’t even occur to me.
I didn’t take in any information at all. This actually wasn’t as difficult today. I would say that of everything on the list of “rules”, I assumed ”no intake of external information” was going to be the most difficult. It wasn’t difficult today. I did find myself struggling to find good music to listen to in the car ride. I noticed though. The awareness that I have been able to have just in the first days of this commitment has really amazed me.
There wasn’t much going on today, so trusting life was pretty easy. I find that I’m not necessarily wanting to gain something, or add things to my life. My wanting and struggling has more to do with avoiding certain things. I particularly avoid any person or activity that takes time away from my workouts and spiritual practice. I feel protective around these things, and even as I write this, I am defending my time. That voice in me that is fearful just said, “If I don’t protect this time, and I don’t get to meditate and workout, I’ll be a mess”. Interesting belief. THIS is a challenge. I wonder if I can loosen up around this, and not guard my time, but instead be uninhibitedly generous with my time. Now THAT just brought up quite a bit of resistance. That’s how I know there’s potential growth if I ignore my personal preferences and just trust that I will meditate and workout at some point, and if I don’t get to it in a day, I will be OKAY. I will be OKAY. I will. I really will. Really.
My day flowed from my home, to the gym, to my parent’s house, and although I wasn’t presented with many opportunities to give (that I could see), I did announce on the livestream this morning that everyone who entered the giveaway was a winner. I simply don’t feel any difference between giving and receiving right now, and there is no tension or resistance around giving (except for giving up the time that I spend meditating and working out - but I am a work in progress). Allowing everyone who entered the giveaway to be a winner felt perfect. I’m excited to work with everyone.
That was my fourth day of the presence challenge. What an adventure! I feel like a new person every single day.
The “rules” or guidelines for a year of Ananda:
* I will be as present as possible, grateful and loving what arises. I will focus on serving whatever is in front of me joyfully.
* No social media scrolling! I will only post my content and answer comments and questions that are on my content.
* No intake of external informatio. No more podcasts, books, audiobooks, YouTube videos or information of any kind. 😳 I will turn inwards for answers, guidance and information.
* I will trust life COMPLETELY. No more struggle, striving, controlling, wanting or trying to make something happen. I will trust and know that whatever is in my life is perfect, and I don’t need to fix or change it.
* I will engage in as many spiritual practices as possible every day.
* I will focus on GIVING and SERVING.