Not too long ago, I experienced a painful loss. A year ago, I would have distracted myself. I would have talked to all of my friends about it, I would’ve binged on ice cream and watched tons of junky TV with my daughter. It would’ve taken me weeks or months to start feeling better, but I would have pretended that everything was okay.
I REFUSE to close down like that again. This has been difficult and there have been a TON of tears and conflicting, uncomfortable feelings, but I’m embracing all of this process. I allow myself to cry, and tears have flowed in a way that I’ve never experienced before. I have felt anger, and I welcomed it and sat with it. All of the “stuff” that keeps coming up, I OPEN my heart to it and I sit with it. I embrace and allow it completely.
I have been practicing heart opening yoga sequences and meditations. I’ve stuck to my normal routine, but I have been more gentle with myself. As a result I feel a sort of purity along with the sadness. My heart feels like it has expanded to 100 times it’s normal size and I feel graceful and light.
I know that grief is a process, and I’m learning that it can’t be rushed. I’ve also learned that it is a part of life that cannot be avoided through spiritual work. It is something that is OKAY to experience. Just because I feel very sad doesn’t at all mean that I am doing something wrong.
If you are experiencing pain and loss, it’s okay to grieve, to feel whatever you’re feeling. Let it in fully. OPEN your heart even more to allow whatever wants to be felt to be felt. When you do this, you are allowing the healing process. If you close down, you delay the healing.
Don’t close down!